It has now been about a month since my second surgery and I thought it would probably be time for an update. Since I don't really do much else besides sit on my computer, attempt to do my assignments and end up watching "So You Think You Can Dance?" and other shows/films that I love.
So what's been up the last month? I entitled this post the way I did because I still am, and I'm not saying this to invoke any kind of "Aww poor thing" responses, sick. At the beginning, I was okay with not being able to walk more than five minutes and getting super disgustingly sweaty if I did walk five minutes. I was okay with (unfortunately) not being able to shower every day because of the open wound (which by the way has closed, hooray!). This "being okay" lasted for about five days. Then it just got annoying.
And I'm still there. Yeah the achy, stingy pain on either side of the scar is waning and I can confidently say almost gone but now I've lost the will to eat. And this getting tired after walking (and maybe it's the speed at which I am walking) is getting real old, real fast. Going back to the losing the will to eat... If you know me, at all, you know that one of my primary joys in life is eating delicious food and enjoying it, especially with people that are important to me. I like giving food, I like getting food, I like judging food (most of my judgments are degrees of deliciousness, it's hard for me to find a food that I don't like. Honestly one of my "dreams" is to be a food critic but I'd be so bad at it because there aren't many food that I don't like).
So with all that in mind, and again for the folks that have seen me eat and the crazy quantities that I could eat, you may start to see how crazy this is driving me. Not only am I not hungry, for the second time in my life, I don't want to eat. Don't worry it's not because I'm going anorexic. It's because every time I eat, I get this searing, knife-stabbing pain in my upper abdomen. I was going insane last night because of the pain. Like the nerd I am, I started thinking about what organs were by the area of pain. Then I thought, "Wait a tick. Referred pain.... What organ refers pain to this area?" Of course about 95% of my brain was concentrating on not yelling in pain so I wouldn't freak my flatmate out and the 5% just had that thought so I resorted to my Netter's Anatomy app on iPhone. You know what organ refers pain to the area that I was experiencing pain in? THE SMALL INTESTINE. My body is literally telling me to not eat so I don't have to digest and send anything into my intestines. Again, I feel as though my body is rejecting me.
Not only that, and again please do not misconstrue this next part as a plea for sympathy, I think I wrote about this before but the depression kicked in at the hospital and persisted. It doesn't help that I'm going through some other personal issues but being cooped up inside and feeling like a burden on my flatmate is starting to make me feel even worse. To make matters worse, she is sick and last night she told me that she thinks it's because I'm sick and she's getting sympathy sick. I know that it could happen but it didn't make me feel any better at all. In fact, it made me feel like a total jerk for being sick. What can I do though? I try to shut myself in my room so she doesn't have to see me but she likes to come in and check on me. She is such a trooper and I feel terrible for putting her through this.
BUT we've got things to look forward to. We're going to a gig on the 1st of June, I think we may go visit one of my dear friends in England and we're going to Galway (it'll be the first time for me seeing as how the ex never took me for my birthday)! I'll finally get to see the famous west coast of Ireland and take more photos! Oh, and for sure I will back update about March. Now actually so scroll on dear readers!
